I bet you are a little shocked to be receiving this letter. After all, nobody really acknowledges the real reason Christmas has survived all these years. What? Don't act so shocked. We all know you get that fat fuck out of bed on Christmas Eve, program his GPS, pack his lunch, arrange the gifts in alphabetical order according to country, and instruct those reindeer to keep his happy ass on track.
I can certainly see why you didn't have children. I mean who really wants to get up in the middle of the night with a baby when you lay next to one each and every night?? The man is just an over grown child in a red suit who likes to watch silly reindeer games.