As I look back at all of the crazy holidays I have enjoyed with my family, one particular moment stands out. When I was growing up  I had a Saint Bernard named Barnie. He weighed 180 pounds and had little to no manners.  Among other things, he was a counter surfer. For those that don't know what this is, it is a dog that stands on its hind legs, places its front paws on the counter, in a full standing position, and eats anything left on the kitchen counter. When Barnie stood upright he was nearly 6 foot tall. 

Every year on New Year's Day, my parents had our extended family over. My mom prepared a full Thanksgiving type dinner. She prepared a turkey, sweet potatoes, corn, and Hillbilly Stuffing, to name a few. Hillbilly Stuffing? A nickname for the deliciousness several generations on my mother's side have made over the years. It is made with home made corn bread, celery, spices, some other stuff, and turkey broth. You mix it all together and it looks like vomit. Then you spread it in a pan and bake it. Out pops deliciousness. Only this year we had a little snaffoo.

You see, Barnie was left unattended in the kitchen that January afternoon. Suddenly, as I was chilling in my room listening to New Kids on The Block, I hear "you stupid asshole! Spit that out! Barnie, I'm going to fucking kill you!" and I find my mother wrestling the bowl of stuffing mix out of the dog's mouth. She is sticking her hands in his food filled, drooly, mouth grabbing stuffing mix and slapping it back into the bowl. The bowl of stuffing mix SHE'S GOING TO BAKE! I'm like "holy hell mom what are you doing??" She continues to beat the dog until every last drop is out of his mouth and off the floor. She then calmly, smooths the stuffing in the pan and BAKES IT! 

After a moment of silence, I realize I am in awe of my mother. The woman has balls but holy shit, this takes the cake. She was not going to have her New Year's Day dinner and Hillbilly Stuffing ruined by Beethoven.

Two hours later we all sat down for dinner. As the stuffing is passed around the table, I silently pass it on to the next person, without taking any. Neither does my mother. Everyone else eats it and even compliments her on another great job. Secret spices and all.....~TJ



11/28/2012 6:52pm

Hi TJ, I’m Anne from Life on the Funny Farm (http://annesfunnyfarm.blogspot.com), and I’m visiting from Finding the Funny.

Holy God. Remind me never to eat at your house. Or your Mom's. And don't ask me to share any of MY food/animal stories. My lips are sealed.

Anyway, thanks for posting this! If you’ve never visited yet, I hope you can pop by my blog sometime to say hi…

11/28/2012 7:54pm

Thanks for stopping by and I hope you got a little giggle out of my wacky mother! I will be sure and stop by your Funny Farm!!!!


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    T.J. is a 40 year old, first time, new mommy. She lives with her long time boyfriend and baby daddy in a suburb of Chicago. Her blog will feature the funny side of being a first time mom.

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