Before Bubba Joe came along I was an avid traveler. I've been to Europe and many places across the U.S. I don't think there is any one vacation that was a total disaster. Something ridiculous happens on nearly every trip I have been on. From something as minor as a delayed flight to something as serious as ending up violently ill. I've had a suitcase thrown off a bus in Italy, a sleep apnea, snoring fool for a roommate in Ireland, I was stuck in Mexico when 9/11 happened with no flight out, and my dog died while I was on a cruise to Hawaii. However, I would have to say my worst experience happened a year and a half ago when my partner, his cousin, and fellow blogger, Jen, and I went to Key West. 

The vacation itself was a blast! Jen and her hubby escaped their three children for five days and my honey and I were trying to have a baby. We partied like it was 1999, bar hopping, stuffing our faces, enjoying the sun, and shopping. 

Our method of transportation to and from the island was via a charter boat called The Key West Express. On the way to the island, we fried like lobsters. It was cool, we just drank the pain away. However, on the way back, there wasn't enough alcohol to take away the pain of our tainted vision.

You see, as we sat on the top deck of the boat, looking forward to the sunset, three very intoxicated assholes decided they were going to have an orgy in front of everyone. Now, I'm all about great sex and but in public? In front of children and the elderly? 

It started with the first woman, we will call "FS" for "Fucking Slut", sat down NEXT to my partner and allowed a guy SHE JUST MET IN A BAR, to "manually pleasure her" as he sat on the ground between her legs. At first, we weren't quite sure where his hand was but as she threw her head back and climaxed..Yep! there it is! Did I mention my sweetheart SLEPT through this? 

Jen's hubby was so appalled, he went and told the crew staff. They came up to the top deck, examined the situation, laughed, and told us that if we didn't like the view to move! WE SHOULD MOVE ASSHOLES????? on a completely full charter? Because this is okay? 

After drunk guy finished off "FS", he moved on to her friend. They both laid down on the ground of the boat's deck and aggressively made-out in front of everyone. Meanwhile, "FS" calls her HUSBAND and tells him she and her friend had a great time in Key West and couldn't wait to see him. WTF???

At this point, Jen's hubby is so pissed that he goes and gets the captain. AGAIN, he not only tells Dan but two older men on oxygen to move if they can't handle the view. I'm surprised those two older gentlemen didn't stroke out over this Debbie Does Everyone scene. Evidently, sex is a common occurrence on the good ole' Key West Express. Did I mention my sweetheart is still asleep as this is all taking place?

After a couple of hours of this orgy, all three people fell asleep on the deck of the boat, cuddling. And then the fun began. Anyone with a camera or cell phone, snapped a picture. They were uploaded to Facebook and to the Key West Express website. Stupid drunktards!

When we returned home from our trip, Jen's hubby couldn't let it go. He called the home office of the charter and talked to someone of authority. They ended up giving us round trip tickets on our next trip on the Key West Express. 

If we are going to be forced into watching hard core porn, remind me next time to bring some popcorn. ~TJ

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