You know that moment when you walk into your baby’s room and the smell of shit hits you and you think to yourself, “Yeah, this can’t be good”?  I had one of those moments about 2am this morning. My son woke me up screaming bloody murder. At 4 months old, he has been sleeping through the night for about a month and a half now so when he’s screaming in the wee hours of the night, something’s wrong. I lifted him out of his crib, placed him on the changing table, unzipped his giraffe footy pajamas, opened the diaper, and oh holy hell, what the fuck died in you?! Poop coming out the sides, from the top of his crack to his belly button, thick, chunky, and green like guacamole. If I  knew any better, I would have thought he was at an all night Mexican buffet.  Suddenly it hits me, I have seen way too much poop in my life for this to affect me but somehow it does.

Human poop and animal poop are way two different things. I have been in the veterinary business for twenty one years. I have seen the grossest of gross fecal matter. I have accidently touched it, worn it, and stepped in it. I’ve handled dog poop, puppy poop, cat poop, rabbit poop, ferret poop, bird poop, and even tiger poop. But human baby poop…..there is nothing in the world like it. Where in the world does it all come from?? I mean seriously, they eat the same thing every day.

In the hospital they educate you on Meconium. The very first fecal matter your child produces.  Once your child starts breast feeding, you should expect yellow, seedy stools. If you use formula you should expect brown and sometimes greenish stool because of the iron added to infant formula. My son has gone through all three of these phases. We recently introduced cereal and some fruit to his diet and it’s like a nuclear bomb has gone off in his pants!  I’ve witnessed actual soft turds that resemble Play-Dough to those that look like gummy worms coming out of him! My partner and I joke that these are the “Seven Wipers”. If we can get in and out of his diaper in seven wipes, we are golden! 

And can you riddle me this Batman? Why do we talk about it every day as new parents? “Honey, did Bubba Joe poop today? What did it look like?”, “Babe, you should have seen the five wiper today!” “Bubba Joe, tell daddy about your poopy pants mommy cleaned today.” Have we honestly lost all contact with the human outside world or is poop really that interesting?   50 Shades of Grey? Sweetheart, my son’s 50 Shades of Shit has you beat pants down! ~TJ



01/13/2013 12:43pm

I never talked so much poop talk on a daily basis before I had two kids. Now, this is all we talk about even though they are both no longer babies (I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old). And I will leave you with one quick story, the first time my oldest needed her first real bathtub bath, it was because she pooped so much wipes weren't going to clean this mess up. Yup, trust me it gets better and better, lol!! Following over from Raising Imperfection Link-up :)

01/13/2013 9:31pm

Thanks so much for stopping by!!! We had a bath wiper ourselves last week! LOL!

01/13/2013 1:46pm

Isn't it amazing how many bodily functions become part of everyday conversation when you have a child?

01/13/2013 9:32pm

Who knew? LOL! The things we talk about!
Thanks for reading!

01/13/2013 3:44pm

What is that all about anyway? It's amazing how easily the word poop comes out of my mouth now.
Before I had Reagan it was dirty and you didn't talk about it. Now it gets talked about like it's the weather!
Unbelievable!!! LOL

Thank you for linking to Raising Imperfection!
Please come back Friday to see if you were featured. :)
Good luck!


01/13/2013 9:34pm

Thanks for having me! I'm glad you enjoyed the post! I don't think there has been a day that has gone by in 6 months that we haven't said the word poop. We should make a drinking game out of it!

01/13/2013 5:03pm

Oh poop. I swear everyday when my husband comes home the first thing he asks me is if Violet pooped today. Now Hi Honey, no how was your day...did Violet poop today? Sigh.

Thanks for sharing your favorite post at Raising Imperfection! We feature our favorites on Friday, make sure to come back and check.

01/13/2013 9:39pm

Thanks for having me and reading!!! I'm glad you enjoyed it! My hubby does the same exact thing. I have to remind him that our son is with a sitter all day and unless she tells me otherwise all is fine. We don't discuss poop. LOL!

01/13/2013 9:22pm

OMG, this was the funniest blog post I have read in a while!!! AWESOME!!! I just found your blog on the Raising Imperfection blog hop, and I'm so glad I did!! I can't wait to read more of your posts!!

01/13/2013 9:44pm

Thanks so much for reading!! I'm glad you got a good laugh out of it!!! Please stop by more often. I will do my best to keep you laughing! (That's how I keep my sanity! :))


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    T.J. is a 40 year old, first time, new mommy. She lives with her long time boyfriend and baby daddy in a suburb of Chicago. Her blog will feature the funny side of being a first time mom.

    Chi-Town Mommy Mayhem
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